Many churches look to honor the pastor during the year, and that is a worthy endeavor. It is a good thing to encourage this servant of the Lord. But has your church considered pastor’s wife appreciation?
Many a pastor would credit his wife with being a crucial part of him being able to serve the Lord in such a dedicated way. Her support, flexibility, and patience go a long way in supporting him in his ministry work.
If you are looking for ways to show appreciation to your pastor’s wife, we have 4 ways to appreciate your pastor’s wife and 8 gift ideas for pastor’s wife appreciation.
What does the Bible say about Pastor’s Wife Appreciation?
The Bible does discuss the role of a pastor’s wife as it describes the wife of an elder or deacon in 1 Timothy 3:11. “Their wives in the same way must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, and faithful in all things.”
This verse mentions the character of a pastor’s wife, but it doesn’t say that we need to appreciate her specifically, or even the pastor for that matter. So why is it a good idea to show gratitude?
There are compelling reasons to demonstrate appreciation for pastors and their families. Pastors often endure enormous pressure, working extended hours and grappling with complex issues.
This can mean interrupted dinners, missed school performances, or distractedness as the pastor has the needs and troubles of the congregation in his mind and heart.
Adding to their difficulties, discouragement often leads to pastors leaving the ministry. According to statistics shared by Soul Shepherding in their article on Pastor Stress Statistics, a staggering 80% of pastors will no longer be in ministry after ten years, with only a small fraction remaining in the field throughout their careers.
Your encouragement can help a pastor’s family persevere to stay in the ministry instead of leaving out of discouragement. While a pastor and his family should do everything for God’s glory, everyone could use encouragement from others, especially during difficult times.
The Bible sees encouragement as a worthy pursuit. Take a look at Proverbs 25:11.
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11
This proverb likens a well spoken word to a beautiful scene. You may have experienced this before. Right when you were at your lowest, God provided someone in your life to give you words of comfort. It might have even been the pastor or his wife.
You also have the opportunity to be the giver of those beautiful words, when you offer encouragement to the pastor’s family.
We can also see the direction in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to encourage one another.
“Therefore exhort one another, and build each other up, even as you also do.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
While exhortation means to admonish – and we should do so when it is called for – it also means to comfort or encourage. Find ways to encourage the pastor and his wife.
We’ll cover more Bible verses for pastor’s wife appreciation in the ideas section, in the note or card writing section.
Encouraging others is always a good thing to do, and it can be especially meaningful to those in ministry.
4 Ideas for Pastor’s Wife Appreciation
Whether it’s the pastor’s wife’s birthday, the pastor’s anniversary, or Clergy Appreciation month or day (usually during the month of October), these ideas to show your appreciation to the pastor’s wife can help you choose something right for her.
You may even want to use some of these ideas during Pastor’s Wife Appreciation Month, which is in March. This is not as well-known as Pastor Appreciation Month. Most churches choose to recognize a pastor’s wife during Clergy Appreciation Month, and that’s fine.
When you consider these ideas, think about who she is and what preferences she has. An extroverted pastor’s wife might enjoy a big gathering, while an introverted one might not want the spotlight on her that long.
You might check with her husband or another family member or close friend before you make your plans, if you want to surprise her. They might guide you in the right direction of something she would enjoy.
Here are some ideas for showing your appreciation to the pastor’s wife.
Write an Encouraging Note to Your Pastor’s Wife
This usually is a go-to idea for showing appreciation, but there’s a good reason for it. People need to hear encouraging words, and a pastor’s wife is no exception!
Church members or attendees sometimes bring their complaints about the church to the pastor’s wife, instead of approaching the right person about their problem with the sermon, the youth group, or a broken piece of furniture. It may be easier to go to her, but it isn’t necessarily the right thing to do.
She may be refreshed by your thoughtful and encouraging words. These Bible verses and other suggestions for writing a note of appreciation to the pastor’s wife are here to help you put together a kind note for her.
Proverbs 31:25-26 NASB1995
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
If you include this scripture in your letter to a pastor’s wife, you can talk about how you admire the confidence and optimism that you see in her from the Lord. You may also mention how you appreciate her kind and wise words.
Psalm 119:127
“Let me understand the teaching of your precepts! Then I will meditate on your wondrous works.” Psalm 119:127
When including this Bible verse into your note, you can thank her for the spiritual guidance received.
Mention how the Bible verses and biblical advice shared have enriched your understanding and strengthened your walk with God. Thank her for her invaluable assistance in deepening your understanding of the Bible.
Philippians 1:3 ESV
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.”
This is a sweet verse to include in an appreciation note. You can mention special memories that you have of her, whether they are friendship remembrances, examples of her serving the Lord, or a time where she really helped you.
Romans 12:6-8
“Having gifts differing according to the grace that was given to us: if prophecy, let’s prophesy according to the proportion of our faith; or service, let’s give ourselves to service; or he who teaches, to his teaching; or he who exhorts, to his exhorting; he who gives, let him do it with generosity; he who rules, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” Romans 12:6-8
In your note to the pastor’s wife, you could express your sincere appreciation for the gifts God has bestowed upon her, emphasizing how these gifts equip her to serve the body of Christ. Extend your gratitude for her dedicated hard work, spiritual guidance, and unwavering commitment as a faithful servant of God.
I Thessalonians 1:2
“We always give thanks to God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers.”
If you are saying or writing a few words honoring the pastor, this would be a great way to include the pastor’s wife and family as well. With a pastor’s schedule often being beyond the 9 to 5 workday, they have many opportunities to show patience and understanding.
Saying that you will be praying for the family (and meaning it) can be such a blessing to a pastor’s wife.
Other Encouraging Options for Your Note
If the pastor and his family have been at the church for many years, the church might have older pictures of them. Print them out and include them in the card.
My-Pastor.com has several options for poems about the pastor’s wife. The first one by Donna Golden can be a good choice.
Buying a larger card and being in charge of getting different people to sign it in appreciation of the pastor’s wife can be a lovely way to encourage her.
Consider reading over a group card before you give it to her. A group card doesn’t have the same expectation of privacy that individual notes would have.
You wouldn’t be looking for mean comments necessarily, but you might find immature or misguided comments. This especially could be important if children or youth are involved, but adults make errors in judgment, too.
Plan a Get-Together for Your Pastor’s Wife
Do you want to celebrate your pastor’s wife? Think about what she has enjoyed in the past, or something that her husband or a good friend recommends. Here are some options that you can consider.
- A potluck after church. If you know she has a favorite dish, ask someone to bring it.
- Refreshment time after church. Feature a cake for her with an encouraging inscription.
- Women’s Ministry Event or Retreat. You don’t need to focus the whole event on her, but it can be a nice opportunity to have a few ladies say some nice words and pray over her.
- Coffee Date. This might be ideal for a smaller group of ladies or even a couple of people who want to celebrate the pastor’s wife.
Pray for Your Pastor’s Wife
Praying for someone is a special gift you can give them, one that you might even give without them knowing about it! But it can also be encouraging to let them know that you are praying for them. A pastor’s wife can be very encouraged by your prayers.
Here are 5 prayer points you can pray for your pastor’s wife.
Pray for her to have an abundant and sweet relationship with Jesus Christ. Even as the Father has loved me, I also have loved you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and remain in his love. I have spoken these things to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be made full. John 15:9-11
Ask God to provide for what she needs. Charge those who are rich in this present world that they not be arrogant, nor have their hope set on the uncertainty of riches, but on the living God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 1 Timothy 6:17
Pray for her to take refuge in God daily. My salvation and my honor is with God. The rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Psalm 62:7
Ask God to give her wisdom for her time, her words, and her actions. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5
Pray for her protection. Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13
We’ve compiled these prayer points into a printable prayer sheet that you can use to pray for your pastor’s wife.
Here are some other resources on how to pray for your pastor’s wife.
Coffee with Starla has a great post with a free printable about how to pray for your pastor’s wife. The prayer points she offers are very helpful in structuring a prayer time for her.
Scriptural Grace has an article about 31 Prayers for a Pastor’s Wife that can give you some helpful Bible verses to pray over her each day.
Change Your Heart about Your Pastor’s Wife
This is definitely something that you would do on your own, and you wouldn’t mention it to her or anyone else in the church. But it could be the biggest gift you give your pastor’s wife.
Are you planning this pastor’s wife appreciation celebration reluctantly because it’s been assigned to you? Or because it’s the right thing to do, but you don’t really want to do it?
People who are dissatisfied with the pastor’s wife often hold expectations of her that can be unrealistic for her to meet. They can include:
- Thinking she should be at every event
- Expecting her children to be perfect
- Wondering why she isn’t your best friend
- Thinking that she should be playing the piano every Sunday
- Expecting her to work at the church, not have a job, or not have the job she has
- Wondering why she doesn’t lead the women’s ministry.
God gave your pastor’s wife a ministry. Sometimes, that ministry is to her husband and to their children if they have kids, and doesn’t extend beyond that.
Other times, God gives a pastor’s wife a calling that isn’t directly related to your local church. She may not have as much time or energy to participate in all the activities where you want her to be.
Additionally, even if she does hit some of the expectations, she simply can’t be at every church event, baby shower, wedding, children’s ministry event, or hospital visit you think she should be present for.
Use this opportunity to pray for the pastor’s wife – see the suggestions earlier in this article. And then ask God to change your heart towards her.
Maybe He will help you be more compassionate concerning her. Or maybe He will give you some insight that helps you understand her.
Your pastor’s wife will not know that you gave her this gift. But having realistic expectations of a pastor’s wife is one of the biggest gifts you can give her.
She is not simply an extension of her husband; she is a child of God, a woman of faith who needs the freedom to serve beyond everyone’s expectations of her.
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8 Ideas for Pastor’s Wife Gifts
Wondering what to give your pastor’s wife? Here are some ideas for pastor’s wife gifts. Each one won’t be right for everyone, but hopefully you will be able to find a suggestion you can use.
A Gift Card. If this truly is just for her, try to choose something that wouldn’t be an everyday purchase for her. It could be for a bookstore, a clothing store, a spa, or a manicure. Or, you might know that she wants a gift card that is more practical. Choose Amazon, a home improvement store, or a local grocery store.
A night out with her husband. A gift certificate to their favorite restaurant and a babysitter is a great present. If they have kids and you know who has watched the kids before, ask or pay for that babysitter. Don’t volunteer someone – a babysitter is a very personal choice that shouldn’t need to be explained.
A scrapbook made just for her. Similar to the note writing idea above, you could collect individual notes and pictures to give her a nice memento of what she means to your church. A printable and instructions on how to make a gift album like this is detailed in this post about pastor appreciation.
Travel arrangements to visit extended family. Some pastors and their families move away from extended family in order for him to take the pastorate. Give her an opportunity to visit them. It’s important to discuss this with her or her husband to make sure this is a welcome gift, given in a format (cash, airline gift card or whatever is best) that she can use.
A basket of things you know she would love. This one can be tricky. Home decor items are usually a matter of preference. Try to involve someone that knows the pastor’s wife well to choose items for the basket.
An annual pass or tickets for the day to a local attraction. This could be a fun way for them to be able to be a tourist in their own backyard. If you can include the whole family, that’s a lovely gesture.
Pastor’s Wife Resources. There are some resources designed just for a pastor’s wife, and others that are encouraging in general for Christian women.
- Just Between Us Magazine. This magazine is encouraging for Christian women, but usually contains some wise words for women in ministry, including a pastor’s wife and women’s ministry leaders.
- The author of How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife has made a list of helpful books for the wife of a pastor.
Ask for help with ideas. Talk to her husband and/or her best friend. They might know of an idea you would have never dreamed of. What a sweet blessing it would be to give your pastor’s wife something she had hoped for but did not expect to get.
The pastor’s wife is a special part of the church community. Offering appreciation and support is an honorable thing to do.
Being the wife of a pastor comes with unique challenges and responsibilities, and it is wonderful to recognize and value her contributions to the church.
One way to show our appreciation is through acts of kindness. Simple gestures such as offering a helping hand or sending a card of encouragement can make a significant difference in her life. It communicates care about her well-being and the desire to support her in her ministry and her life.
Prayer is another powerful way to show our support for the pastor’s wife. We can pray for her strength, wisdom, and guidance as she navigates the demands of her role. We can also pray for her family, recognizing that they too are affected by the pressures of ministry.
Changing a critical heart to view her ministry realistically is also crucial. It is easy to idealize the pastor’s wife and expect her to be perfect. However, she is human like anyone else, and she faces her own struggles and challenges. It is important to remember that she is not a superhero, and that she needs understanding and compassion.
By showing appreciation through acts of kindness, prayer, and other thoughtful words and actions, a supportive and encouraging environment for the pastor’s wife and her family can be nurtured.
Pray over these suggestions and see how God leads you to encourage your pastor’s wife!
If you liked Pastor’s Wife Appreciation Ideas, you may also like 31 Scriptures to Pray for Your Pastor and Inspirational Words for Pastor Appreciation.